Frank Blau
Contributing Writer
ShuBee®

“What’s a slug?” one of my industry friends asked me not long ago. For those who don’t know, a slug is a type of snail. Snails are slow and primitive, so I used the term to describe people in our industry who fit that description. Most people regard snails/slugs as loathsome creatures – except for French chefs, who call them escargot and prepare them smothered in butter.

The fact that some people in our industry didn’t know what a slug is leads me to believe that they may not be able to identify the PHC industry version either. So I have prepared a little quiz to test your powers of perception. Answers and scoring are at the end of the article.

Frank Blau’s Slug Quiz

1) If direct job costs are $1,000, your overhead is 15{938cd9e8dae860e800efc538277d4f7684e6f6981618ba70d1c34357a53c2e1f} of sales and you wish to make a net profit of 10{938cd9e8dae860e800efc538277d4f7684e6f6981618ba70d1c34357a53c2e1f} of sales, how much would you have to sell the job for?

1  $1,333
2  $1,286
3  $1,250
4  Huh?

2)  Do you know your dollar-per-billable-hour overhead factor?

1  Yes.
2  Approximately.
3  No.
4  Huh?

3)  A reasonable net profit is…

1  20{938cd9e8dae860e800efc538277d4f7684e6f6981618ba70d1c34357a53c2e1f} and up.
2  5-10{938cd9e8dae860e800efc538277d4f7684e6f6981618ba70d1c34357a53c2e1f}.
3  What everyone else makes.
4  What’s “profit”?

4) The industry’s biggest problem is…

1  Contractors who price their services below cost.
2  Home Depot.
3  Columnists who remind me of my ignorance.
4  Contractors who charge too much.

5)  How much do you pay your employees?

1  More than anyone else in town.
2  The going rate.
3  Below average.
4  As little as possible.

6)  Flat rate pricing is…

1  A way to get prices in line with value.
2  Opposite of rock bottom prices.
3  Not time & material.
4  A greedy rip-off.

7)  Customers are…

1  To be pampered.
2  Money machines.
3  A pain in the rear.
4  I lost all of mine.

8)  Business education is…

1  Essential.
2  Be nice to have.
3  Too costly and time consuming.
4  Unnecessary. I already know everything there is to know.

9)  Who do you rely upon to pay for your business education?

1  My customers.
2  Myself.
3  The manufacturers.
4  The government.

10) I spend most of my time…

1  On management and marketing activities.
2  Working with the tools.
3  Fixing my mistakes.
4  Blaming others for my mistakes.

11)  I read the trade magazines…

1  From cover to cover
2  To look at the new products.
3  When I’m on the john.
4  No time to read.

12)  A P&L is…

1  A critical snapshot of business conditions.
2  A computer report.
3  A bunch of numbers that I don’t understand.
4  Letters of the alphabet.

13)  How do you determine what prices to charge?

1  Figure my costs and overhead, then add my profit goal.
2  Find out what my competitors are charging and charge a little more.
3  Find out what my competitors are and charge a little less.
4  Consult an astrologer.

14)  How much should a PHC business owner get paid?

1  $100,000 and up.
2  Industry average.
3  Whatever’s left over.
4  No more than my daddy made.

15)  My employees are…

1  My most valuable assets.
2  People who work for me.
3  The cause of most of my grief.
4  Always quitting on me.

16)  Selling is…

1  The essence of business.
2  Something I ought to do more of.
3  Something I hate to do.
4  Immoral.

17)  How do you decide which products to sell?

1  Best value, highest profit margins.
2  Whatever’s on sale.
3  Whatever’s easiest to install.
4  Whatever’s cheap, white and chrome.

18)  How much should a contractor pay a spouse who works in the business?

1  Market value or above for comparable professionals.
2  Whatever’s affordable?
3  A token amount.
4  Slave Wages. That’s what spouses are for.

19)  Do you have a dress code for service techs?

1  Mandatory uniforms, clean and pressed.
2  No nose rings.
3  No policy.
4  Mandatory display of butt cracks.

20)  How often do you pay your suppliers?

1  Take all discounts.
2  Within 90 days.
3  When I get some extra cash.
4  When there’s a gun to my head.

21)  Who are your role models in business?

1  Contractors who make a lot of money.
2  Contractors who manage to stay in business.
3  Anyone who does better than me.
4  Guys who go broke subsidizing their customers.

22)  How will you support yourself in retirement?

1  Pension plan, other investments.
2  Social Security.
3  Hope to make a killing selling my lousy business.
4  Plan to work the rest of my life.

23)  What is your favorite magazine?

1  Plumbing & Mechanical.
2  Brand X.
3  Playboy.
4  Comic books.

24)  How do you respond when people ask what you do for a living?

1  “I’m a business person/contractor.”
2  “I’m a craftsman.”
3  “I’m a plumber.”
4  “I’m just a plumber.”

25)  Would you like your children to carry on your business?

1  Absolutely.
2  Maybe.
3  Hell no, I want them to go to college and get good job.
4  The last thing they want to do is work in my crummy business.

Slug Scale: Scoring is simple. Give yourself 10 points for every 1. response, 3 points for every 2. response. 1 point for every 3. (just for being honest), and 0 points for every 4. Add them up and find out where you rank on the Frank Blau Slug Scale, as follows:

200-250 – You leave the slugs far behind and soar with eagles!

150-199 – You’re a bit behind the times but show signs of evolving to a higher state of existence.

100-149 – You have one of the most progressive minds of the 19th Century.

0-99 – Better stay away from French restaurants!